


Starring Role

by carterbaizen



Series: Starring Role [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sebastian Stan - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Mentions of alcohol, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, mentions of drug abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21812959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carterbaizen/pseuds/carterbaizen
Summary: in which hollywood’s former hottest movie star faces his biggest challenge yet – proving that he’s still worth the starring role. [film!au]
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, James “Bucky” Barnes & Reader
Series: Starring Role [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581088
Comments: 13
Kudos: 43





	1. Opening Scene

Bucky tried to be as emotionless as he could. There were paparazzi in the courtroom, and his family. God, he wished that they’d stayed home. He knew the verdict wouldn’t be in his favour, and they’d be bombarded with questions and cameras when they left. But they went to support him. He just didn’t think he deserved their support.

Bucky didn’t know how he’d let things get this bad. How he’d lost who he was to drugs and alcohol, and how he was now standing in a courtroom waiting for the jury to finish deliberating. He knew he was going to do time. He’s talked to his lawyer and his manager and told them he was willing to do the time. He wanted to recover. To get better. And he felt like he deserve going to jail for the crimes he’s committed.

This wasn’t who he wanted to be. The lifestyle of the rich and famous got to him. He started to abuse the things that helped numb him, and developed a substance addiction. He got into fights at parties when old friends called him out on his drug abuse. They didn’t want to be associated with a coke addict, let alone one that tried to buy new friends with even more alcohol and drugs.

After being arrested he understood the severity of his addiction. Rehab was out of the question. He’d done that before to appease the court and brush the charges under the metaphorical rug. He needed to take responsibility for his actions. For the hurt he’d caused those around him. For buying and redistributing drugs.

He understood this was the end of his career, but he wanted to get better. He’d done the crime, and he was ready to do the time for it. Even if his mother and sisters were beside themselves with grief at his decision.

He was done being the big Hollywood superstar. He’s ruined his reputation and was ready to put it all behind him. Do his time and come back fresh and ready to just be Bucky again.

Everyone rose as the jury entered the room. 12 strangers who held Bucky’s fate in their hands, and he knew he was done for. He swallowed thickly before looking over his shoulder at his mother and sisters. His mom had tears in her eyes, and his eldest sister was trying to console her. They all expected the worst, too.

“Have you reached a decision?” The judge asked the jury.

After the last two days in court, the jury had heard all they needed to about the case. Bucky himself didn’t understand why the case had gone all the way to trial. He’d plead guilty at the hearing, expecting to be booked into county within the hour, but it had been prolonged and the media had caught wind of it. Now it was news all around the world, and he knew he was fucked.

One of the jurors rose to their feet. “We have, your honour. On the count of possession of illicit substances, we find the defendant Guilty. On the count of assault while under the influence of illicit substances, we find the defendant Guilty. On the count of driving while intoxicated, we find the defendant Guilty.”

Bucky swallowed thickly. He couldn’t cry in front of everyone, especially not his family. He jumped a bit as the judge bought the hammer down on the gavel, sentencing him to three years in county.

His mother wailed, and he let the officer cuff him. Unable to look back at his family and the cameras as he was escorted into custody.


	2. Scene One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ____________________
> 
> Three Years Later  
> ____________________

Y/N was exhausted but she pushed through it. She still had a mile left to run on the treadmill, and then some activities involving dumbbells. She’d only been in the gym for a little over half an hour, and still had another half an hour to go. Her trainer encouraged her to give this last mile everything she had, turning the speed up a couple notches to make her really dig in to her reserves.

She was way too puffed to protest, instead she grit her teeth and gave the last mile her all.

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings she had training sessions with her PT at the gym. Usually they focused on one specific muscle group; like back and shoulders, legs, etc. Today Y/N’s trainer, Anna, wanted her to die. Well, not literally, but she was making her work a lot harder than she usually did, and Y/N chalked that down to Anna being away on holiday for the last two weeks. She wanted to make sure her client hadn’t started slacking off while she’d been gone.

It was clear to Anna that Y/N had been following her program even without her present. She smashed out the cardio course she’d had her complete, and now she was onto working her arms and shoulders. Y/N impressed her.

As their session came to an end for the day, Y/N collapsed on the floor of the studio with a groan. Even though she’d kept up with her exercises, Anna had taken it to the next level this morning. She was beat, and her legs felt like jelly. She could barely lift her arms, and she knew she’d been feeling it tomorrow.

“Most of my clients have slacked off these past couple of weeks,” Anna commented, extending her hand to Y/N who took it. Letting her help her to her feet. “You did great today.”

“Thanks.” Y/N wheezed. “I guess I’ve been trying to keep my mind off how my audition went last month. Still haven’t heard anything.”

“I hope it’s good news,” Anna replied with a smile.

The two had become friendly over the years they’d worked together. Anna had been her trainer for an indy spy film that had put Y/N’s name out there. She’d whipped her ass into shape in the eight months she had to prepare before they started filming, and Y/N kept her around during filming and after. She hooked her up with a great martial arts teacher, and even came along to the classes with her so she could try and incorporate the martial arts into her morning training sessions. She pulled out all the stops, and Y/N appreciated that Anna was just as dedicated to getting her into shape for the role as she was.

Now their morning sessions hadn’t quite reached that same level of intensity, but Anna always seemed to know what Y/N needed. Some days they’d focus on cardio, others they’d spend time doing yoga, or they’d utilise the machines to their full extent. Her off-season training was a lot less intense than when she was working out for a role. But still, when Anna knew she’d gone for an audition, she’d asked about the role so she could start preparing a new training schedule if she got the part. And more often than not, she did.

Y/N appreciated all the work Anna put in to helping her stay in top form. She’d pushed her to take some time off, because chances were high she was going to get the four parts she’d auditioned for in the last month. One was a wartime romance, one was a high intensity action film, another was a sequel to last year’s biggest film, and the last was a quirky romcom about a female firefighter. ¾ required a strict diet and training schedule, while the wartime romance didn’t register on her fitness radar. If she was in perfect form for the other roles, she’d be fine for the wartime part.

Y/N thanked Anna warmly. “I’ve got to run. See you Friday?” She knew the answer was obviously yes, but she had to say something to confirm before she left. A meeting was scheduled with her manager for 7am about some upcoming auditions if she weren’t to get any of the roles she’d auditioned for.

Grabbing her bag, Y/N left the gym and hightailed it to her car. Grabbing her keys out and chucking her bag in the back before sliding into the driver’s seat. Pressing the button to start the ignition, her phone connecting to the car’s bluetooth so she could talk to Mary, because she knew her manager wouldn’t wait until she was home to chat in person.

Just as she predicted, seven am on the dot rolled around and her phone started ringing. Y/N answered the call by pressing a button on the steering wheel.

“Albert Green just contacted me,” Mary said, foregoing her usual greetings and polite conversation about Y/N’s training session. “You got the fucking part.”

“I’m Nurse Jane?” Y/N asked, trying to get clarification before she and Mary collectively lost their shit.

“You’re Nurse Jane,” Mary confirmed. Y/N let out a high pitched scream and did a little victory dance in her seat. “Filming is set to start mid-September, so you have the summer to actually go away for a holiday. You haven’t had a beak between filming for the last three years.”

“You don’t get to the top by having vacations between projects,” Y/N reminded her. She was a workaholic, and she knew if she wasn’t careful she’d burn herself out. But she also knew that eventually life would find a way to plan a holiday for her, and this was it.

“We’re meant to hear back from your other auditions sometime next week,” Mary informed her. “I need you to tell me your priorities, just in case filming clashes.”

“I want them all,” Y/N told her. “If I actually go away before filming starts for ‘All Is Fair In Love and War’ then I’m going to feel super refreshed and energised. If any of the filming clashes, hopefully they want me badly enough that I can work them all around my schedule.”

“I love you, you know I do,” Mary told her. “But I’ve seen this happen before. Someone I knew took on too many projects and he burnt himself out. It didn’t end well for him.”

“With all due respect,” Y/N replied. “I’m not him. I know my limits. You know I tell you when I think I’ve got too much on. I get stressed and you make me talk to my therapist. I can make them all work, so long as no other amazing auditions come up in the meantime.”

“Speaking of,” Mary said. “Wright Hall wants you for a trilogy based off some dystopian thriller novel series by T. Bradshaw. I want you to read the books first, and only commit once these films are in post production. He wants you badly enough to wait until the time suits you.”

“I assume you’ve bought the books for me already?”

“I left them on the kitchen counter in your apartment. He also sent some flowers and a gift basket, and I might have stolen the scented candle for myself. Sorry.”

Y/N laughed. She didn’t mind that Mary helped herself. She encouraged her to, because whenever she got sent gifts she felt bad whenever she didn’t get around to using the products. She’d rather Mary take what took her fancy, because she knew she’d actually use it.

“I told you I’d rather you find a use for the stuff than me get rid of it in a few months time when the products have reached their best before dates,” Y/N said. “I don’t have much use for candles anyway. Are the flowers nice, at least?”

“I had Erica arrange them into a vase. You’ll see them as you walk in the front door,” Mary informed her. “I won’t be here when you get home. I’ve got an appointment upstate I can’t miss. I’ll be back later tonight if you need me. Congratulations again.”

“Thanks, Mary,” she replied. “Good luck with your appointment.”

+++

Y/N wasn’t a natural relaxer, so Mary had insisted she take some time off and go to her holiday house to disconnect for a bit before filming started for ‘All Is Fair In Love and War’. As it turned out, once Y/N was away from the hustle and bustle of city life, she managed to wind down a bit.

Her holiday house was built by a lake, and her closest neighbour was more than two miles down the road. It was perfect. She didn’t have wifi, and had spotty cell service. It didn’t bother her. She managed to read the book series she was potentially going to star in, and if she needed to get in contact with Mary, she only had to take a little hike up the hill behind the house. It provided her with the best view to look at while on the calls, and make it worthwhile.

And she enjoyed herself. She honestly enjoyed herself.

Her mornings started with a hike up the hill to check in with Mary, who usually didn’t have any news for her. The first week away she’d learnt that she got the parts for the other roles she auditioned for, and Mary was trying to work out scheduling so Y/N could do them all. That night she’d bought herself some wine, made a nice cheese platter, and treated herself to a trashy rom-com.

After her hike she’d go for a swim to cool off, and then enjoy a coffee in the hammock while she read another chapter of the book. Or ran through her lines for All Is Fair.

The script was simple but amazing. Set in war-torn Italy during the 1940’s, she played a Nurse who was instrumental in the rehabilitation of a soldier who’d been captured and tortured. Once he got discharged and sent home, they kept in contact through letters, and when the war was won she went home to him. It was different to the other roles she’d done, and she was excited for the challenge. Especially since everyone was so hush-hush about who she was starring alongside in the film.

She fell in love with Nurse Jane and Sergeant Andrew.

Before she set out on her morning walk this morning there was a knock at the door. She wasn’t expecting anyone, but her neighbours were known to pop by unannounced with some baking from time to time. She opened the door with a smile, coming face to face with Mary.

“Hope you’ve had a great time away,” Mary started. “Because you’re wanted in Atlanta on Monday to do a screen test.”

“Is there any word yet on who Andrew is?”

Most of their conversations recently had been speculation about who her mystery lead could be. Y/N hadn’t been expecting a screen test to come so close to the date they were supposed to start filming, but they must’ve had a good reason for it.

She let Mary into the house and closed the door behind her. Following her out the back so they could sit on the porch.

“Still nothing,” Mary responded. “It’s ridiculous. Usually there’s whispers by now about who it potentially is. No one has heard anything, not even the managers of actors I know who’ve auditioned for the role.”

“Well, shit,” Y/N said. “Guess they’re trying to hype the film up by keeping it secret, huh?”

Mary hummed. “Seems like it. How long is it going to take you to pack? I’ve organised a flight for later tonight, so you can spend tomorrow being seen in Atlanta. Scott Jackson wants the chance to shoot you for Vanity Fair if you’d like to spend the day playing dress up?”

“Yeah, tell him I’ll do it.”

“You think we’ll be on the road within the hour? Maybe two?”

“Definitely two. Can we stop at Belmore for late lunch? I’ve only had a smoothie really early this morning and you know I can’t eat on a plane, even if it is my own.”

Mary tapped away on her phone. She hummed in agreement. “Sure thing. Get a wriggle on.”

Y/N wasn’t a good packer and Mary knew that. She helped her to fold her clothes so they’d actually fit, and gathered all of her toiletries while she decided what to wear for lunch. Sometimes it was a five outfit day, but today would be at least three. One for lunch, one to go to the airport, and one to leave the airport. Mary knew it was a frustrating task planning her outfits around public sightings, so she helped keep the items together for when she was ready to change.

There was no guarantee how long she’d be in Atlanta for, because Mary had word that if they screen test went well, filming would start next week. If it didn’t, Y/N would go home and wait until she was called again. They wanted to stop at her apartment to make sure she had all the clothes and shoes she’d need. Erica had mostly sorted it for her, and had sent some things on ahead to her home she was renting. There were just a few things Y/N had thought she might need, or like to have, that Erica might’ve forgotten, so she’d be able to change there before going to the airport.

A day of travel was never fun for Y/N, but she felt relaxed about it. More so than ever. She chalked that down to her month long vacation by a quiet lake, helping her to let go of the big city stress and worries that came with being a moviestar. She honestly couldn’t tell you when her last vacation was, and that was honestly a little frightening.

Once at the restaurant Y/N took the time to post on social media. Her four recent posts had been of the book she was reading on a hammock, a picture of the sunrise from the top of the hill, a boomerang video of her running and jumping into the lake off the dock, and a selfie from her bed. There had been speculation about her involvement in the movie adaption of the book she was reading, which had generated great buzz according to Mary. Wright Hall has taken that as confirmation that she was thinking of joining the cast, and she’d told Mary as much. Both women were on the same page, though. She wanted to focus on her upcoming movies before she signed on for a trilogy. Those were exhausting.

This post was simply an OOTD, and her mentioning that she couldn’t wait to be in Atlanta for All Is Fair. Like anything she posted, she sought Mary’s approval first. Uploading it to her story before she eyed the menu. Her stomach growling at the prospect of food.

Y/N enjoyed a glass of wine with her meal, whilst Mary stuck to water. She still had to drive them back to the city.

Just as the two women expected, someone mentioned where Y/N was dining and soon photographers and fans alike were trying to get into the restaurant to see her. It came with the territory of being famous, unfortunately, but Y/N always tried to take photos with fans. She’d stopped signing things because they just ended up on eBay, selling for a ridiculous amount. But photos with fans she could do.

Today, Mary said they’d be cutting it close if she stopped for photos. Usually she had one of her bodyguards accompanying her if she was out and about, which made her life easier. Mary hadn’t seen the point in asking one of the boys to come on a road trip, so she asked the Manager if it was okay for them to sneak out through the back.

Once they were on the road again, Y/N napped.

+++

Y/N was nervous. She’d never had to do a screen test blind before. Usually she knew who her co-star was in advance, so she had time to research their acting style. Watching a film or show they were in, just to see how they presented. But this time she had nothing, and she was nervous as anything.

Her shoot had gone well yesterday, and would be released later next month. In the next week or so she was allowed to post a behind the scene pic from the shoot, just to tease fans about what to expect. She liked that almost everything was always planned out. It made things easier for her when she knew what her days entailed minute by minute.

Y/N had been bought in the room with the casting directors. They all made small talk while waiting for the mystery actor to arrive. If anything, it made her more nervous than sitting out in the waiting area. She laughed at the joke the director told, and commented how she’d spent the last few weeks rehearsing her lines with a tree, so anyone would be better than that. They’d laughed, and had assured her he’d be there soon, but he was only one of the five actors they had lined up today.

She hadn’t been expecting that, but she hoped at least one of them would make an impression on them all so the day wasn’t a total waste.

The first actor was someone she’d only heard of, and it was never anything good. The read went well – he knew his lines, but he was stiff. There was no chemistry, and considering the scene required them to dance with no music on, she wasn’t feeling it. And neither was any of the directors in the room. Thanking Isaac, but telling him it wasn’t a right fit, to which he’d cursed them all out and told them to fuck their movie.

Always the professional.

The second guy was Eric, who she’d worked with briefly before. They’d starred in a TV show together before either of them landed bigger roles. They had chemistry, but he kept needing prompting with his lines. Y/N had tried to make it work, but she wasn’t feeling it. He was thanked for his time, and wished good luck with his future projects.

Another rejection.

Y/N grabbed a bottle of water from the table. She wasn’t thirsty, just needed something to keep her mind occupied while they waited for the third guy to arrive. She knew it was unprofessional to busy herself on her phone, even if the directors were all doing it. She wanted them to know she was interested, not bored. But her patience was wearing thin.

A knock on the door bought all eyes on the woman who opened it. “Oliver is caught in traffic, but the fourth has arrived early. Should I send him in?”

Y/N didn’t care who was next. She placed her bottle on the ground and stood up as the next actor entered the room.

She knew all about the infamous Bucky Barnes. She’d followed the rise and fall of his career, just like everyone else had. He starred in some of her favourite movies, and he was on her list of actors she’d love to work with someday. Today seemed to be that day.

He carried himself with a bit of swagger, nodding a greeting to the directors on his way in before his gaze fell on Y/N. His mouth upturned in a smirk as she walked toward him, extending a hand he only took and brushed his lips against.

“So you’re my Jane, huh?”

“You’re not my anything, yet. You have to work for it.”

Her hand was still in his and he used that to pull her closer, his other arm wrapping around her waist. Hand settling on her lower back.

Already, she was charmed. And it seemed like the directors were too. She couldn’t tell if he was trying to overcompensate and prove a point, or if this was actually him. But she liked it. Falling into step easily, and character without a problem.

They danced as they ran their lines. He shocked her when he spun and dipped her, because he’d gone slightly off script to add it in. But it worked, and the chatter amongst the directors was non-existent. If they weren’t won over, they usually had something to say. Silence was good news.

Usually.

The director’s thanked Bucky for his time, but that wasn’t good enough for Y/N. Once he’d left the room, she stood her ground in front of them.

“If he’s not my Andrew I’m walking away.”

Y/N had never given an ultimatum before, and she knew she could potentially lose this job, but she didn’t care. She had found her Andrew. She’d felt the sizzle of their chemistry, and didn’t want to work alongside anyone else. She didn’t want to screen test with anyone else. Bucky Barnes was it.

The directors talked amongst themselves.

“We’re not sure if he brings the right kind of...energy to the film.”

It was a lousy excuse and Y/N knew it. She scoffed. She was going to call their bluff. Turning around to grab her purse from the ground to make an exit.

“Wait!” She was halfway out the door when they called her back.

She turned around with a smile. “Should I pass on the good news?”

“Filming starts on the 23rd. We’ll contact his manager. Don’t make us regret this, Miss Y/L/N.”

“You’ll be thanking me when this film skyrockets in the box office,” she told them, bidding them farewell and attempting to chase down Bucky to pass on the good news. Bowling out the door like a woman on a mission, and in a sense she was. Catching sight of his retreating figure and hollering out to him. “Hey Andrew!”

He had the sense about him to turn around. “It’s Bucky, doll.”

“It’s Andrew until filming wraps,” she informed him, walking towards him with a smile. “The part is yours. I’ll see you on set next week. Congratulations.”


	3. Scene Two

Y/N had successfully made herself at home in Atlanta. With filming due to start on Monday, she had a few days to fully immerse herself in the city. Finding herself a gym near the set so she could continue with her fitness. Battling with paparazzi wherever she went.

This film was meant to be huge. It was a little intimidating how much the film producers had hyped it up. What had been originally reported as a war story, had been twisted into the hottest romance of the year. Y/N had read the script. There was romance, sure, but nothing to the extent she knew was taking place.

She had concerns that everyone would be let down by the lack of romance, because it focused more on the war. The relationship between Nurse Jane and Soldier Andrew after he was rescued from an enemies base. How she cared for him after he’d been tortured, and how the sunny relationship blossomed in the most darkest time of their lives.

Y/N upped the pace on the treadmill. When she was stressed or nervous, she ran. Everyone had different ways to deal with shit, and she found that when she channeled her anxious energy into something productive, she usually came out feeling better.

She wanted to do something before filming started, but kept pushing it back. First, she’d wanted to do something on the Friday. Perhaps a dinner for all the cast and crew. Then her idea became a Saturday brunch, but she hadn’t invited anyone so she stayed in bed until the early afternoon. Now it was barely 6am on Sunday morning, and she had to make up her mind. Did she want to do something or not?

In the past, she usually hosted a dinner once filming had started. Having the film hyped into something she wasn’t sure it was going to be had her on edge. She knew she needed to organise something today, but she wasn’t sure what. It was so last minute as well, that she wasn’t sure if anyone would actually be able to attend whatever she organised.

It was early, but she called Mary. She had to voice her ideas out loud to someone before she made up her mind.

“You’re forgetting that I get Sunday mornings to myself,” Mary chided. She wasn’t too bothered by the call, other than the fact that she had to get out of bed so she didn’t wake her fiancé with her talking. Heading out to the kitchen to brew herself some coffee.

“Hang up then,” Y/N challenged, blowing out a breath as she turned up the incline. “I want to throw a party before filming starts.”

“You’re cutting it close,” Mary noted. “Filming starts tomorrow.”

“I know,” she said. “I don’t think this film is going to live up to the hype the press have given it. I need something to ease my worries. Some kind of cast and crew party needs to happen today, but I don’t know what.”

“You have a pool at the house, right? And it’s summer. Easiest thing to organise this last minute would be a pool party,” Mary said. “I’ll be there before lunch, and I have a friend who can handle most of the decorating. Are you interested?”

“Yeah. Aim for it to start at 3pm. I’ll provide nibbles, and dinner if it gets late,” Y/N replied.

Mary approached the conversation warily. Y/N was none the wiser. “Alcohol?”

“I kind of need Bucky to be there and I don’t know what his stance is on drinking or being around alcohol at the moment. I’d rather not supply it until later, so he can come for a couple hours and dip if he doesn’t want to be around it.”

Mary nodded, but Y/N couldn’t see it. She had a smile on her face. “Okay, good. I’ll put the word out. You want to personally invite him? Let him know it’s a dry bar?”

“Yeah, I can do that,” Y/N agreed, partially sarcastically. “Because I have his number. We’re besties.”

“If you stop being a sarcastic ass I’ll send it to you,” she said.

“How do you have Bucky Barnes’ phone number? Forget it, it’s not important. I’m hanging up now. Send it to me.”

Y/N finished her run. She still had a few miles to go, and she knew that if she checked her messages and found Bucky’s number she wouldn’t finish her workout. Pushing through until it was time to stop the treadmill and gathering her things so she could head home. Sitting in her car staring at Bucky’s number that Mary had sent her and deciding to send the text then and there.

Hey Bucky its Y/N

Hey Andrew, its Jane. Cast and Crew party at ________ Drive, kicking off at 3pm. Love to see you there. There’s a pool, if that helps make your mind up? x

She wasn’t expecting a reply so soon after sending it, considering how early it was in the morning. The chipper response made her laugh and shake her head.

If you wanted to see me shirtless you just had to ask, doll. I’ll be there. ;)

Y/N had a quiet morning. Once she got home she showered, then sat down for breakfast and helped with some decorating. Someone had gone out to buy a bunch of pool floats, so she spent time inflating them while other people set up decorations outside. A balloon arch over the poor leading outside. Several tables and a large refreshment bar set up on the patio. A few more loungers were brought out and set up around the pool, and under some umbrellas on the grass.

It was all coming along nicely.

When Mary arrived she confirmed numbers with the kitchen. Assuring the chef more groceries were on the way, and thanking him for his ability to work a party last minute. Apparently it was commonplace around here. He was flexible, but didn’t like to make it a major occurrence. The time pressure was stressful.

Y/N wasn’t a huge partier. It was rare for her to want something planned last minute. She assured the staff it was one time only, and they were all on the way to making it an amazing afternoon.

Mary didn’t have plans to stay for the party. Y/N wasn’t expecting her to, so she thanked her for everything and promised she’d see her tomorrow when Mary picked her up for work. She told her to behave, but to have fun, and left her with an array of bikinis to choose from and no one to provide commentary on which ones made her breasts look amazing.

After trying on three, she went with the maroon piece. Instead of choosing the solid colour bottoms to match the top, she reached for the maroon and white striped bottoms. Sliding a white cover up over her arms and tying it at the waist. She’d heard the doorbell ring a few times, so as soon as she was ready she headed downstairs.

“Y/N!”

She was glad the few people who’d arrived had made themselves comfortable already. Talking amongst themselves and helping themselves to the nibbles provided. She smiled warmly at Reed, the director of the film, who walked towards her with open arms.

“This was a good idea,” he told her. They kissed each others cheeks in greeting. “I wish I’d had it.”

“Sorry it’s so last minute,” she replied. “I usually throw a party once filming has started, but I didn’t want to wait.”

The lie was more of a twist on the truth. She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell him she had her hesitations about the film. The only person she wanted to talk to about it was Bucky, and so far he was nowhere to be seen. So she put on a smile, grabbed herself some punch, and started mingling.

For a lot of actors they chose to only associate with the director and the rest of the cast. Y/N liked to meet everyone. The people who did the lighting, costumes, set design, and even the janitor. Their jobs were all pivotal in helping the film progress and end up on the big screen, and learning all their names was important to her. It was how she’d progressed her career – through word of mouth. People had passed on that she took the time to have a proper conversation with them all, and learn exactly how their job impacted the end product.

And she remembered them if she worked with them again. Asking what projects they’d been working on lately, and if certain people who’d starred in the films were as big a divas as everyone said. Though she never participated in speaking less of her co-workers, she was simply trying to decide whether or not it would be worth the drama if she ever got the chance to work with them.

Siobhan, who worked hair and makeup, had worked with Bucky before. Y/N took the chance to pick her brain and ask if he was as charming and charismatic as he’d seemed in his audition in real life. Her answer was simple – he knew the right things to say. The right people to win over. But he never let anything get in the way of his work. He was professional, but enjoyed distracting his co-workers if they had a solo scene, and wasn’t below on-set pranking.

She was looking forward to working with him again, and that was all Y/N needed to know. He’d be able to personally answer the rest of the questions she had whenever he decided to grace them with his presence. Hopefully she didn’t have to wait too much longer.

Y/N excused herself to say hi to Jay, who had worked alongside her a few years prior. He’d had the lead role, and she was a minor character. Her part in the film had been less than five minutes, but he’d been kind to her. Offering pointers since that role had been one of her larger ones, and she’d been grateful. That role had been a foot in the door, and led to her being cast as Ruby in a sitcom that had taken the world by storm.

Jay had landed the role of Colonel Daniels. He had a prominent role in the film, and Y/N was excited to work with him again. She embraced him with a hug and he kissed her cheek.

“It’s good to see you again!” Jay told her with a grin. “You look good.”

“Thank you. So do you,” she told him politely. “I didn’t even know we’d be working together again until Mary told me earlier.” A white lie to boost an ego never hurt anyone. She knew Jay would see through it, but wouldn’t call her out on it.

Jay chuckled. “Do we know who Andrew is yet? I’m assuming you’ve screen tested with him, otherwise we wouldn’t be starting filming tomorrow.”

“We know.” Y/N played her cards close to her chest. “It was a good screen test. He should be here any minute now.”

“It’s Bucky Barnes, isn’t it? Guy just walked in.”

Y/N smiled and nodded, turning around to see him greeting Reed, Liam and Taylor. He gave her a wink and smile before continuing to talk to the men in front of him. She turned back to Jay, trying to decipher his reaction.

“This will either make or break your career,” Jay warned her. Y/N sighed. So he was pissed. Great.

“I’ve already made my career,” she informed him. “If you don’t think someone deserves a second chance to prove they’ve changed then that’s on you. He earned the part of Andrew. He deserves to be here just as much as you.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He shook his head. “Forget it. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and tell Reed I’m rejecting this role and he’s missing a Colonel Daniels.”

Y/N sighed and wished her drink had alcohol in it. Watching Jay march towards Reed and loudly announce his departure from the film. Reed floundered. Bucky removed himself from the situation. Y/N started to follow him, leading away from the party and into the gardens.

“I’m surprised more people haven’t had similar reactions,” he said. “Hell. I’m surprised you haven’t walked away yet.”

“Do you want me to walk away?” She asked. “Because tough shit, honey, that’s not going to happen.”

“I don’t want you to walk away. I’m just saying that I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

“You don’t think you deserve a second chance?”

Bucky ran his hand over his face. He blew out a breath. As much as he’d expected some arguments over his involvement in the film, he hadn’t anticipated anyone to be on his side. Or at least casting some doubt in his mind. He’d been all set to argue that he was the best fit for the role, but there was something about Y/N that had him wanting to be honest.

“No, I don’t,” he confessed. “I was ready to never set foot inside an audition studio again. Hide from the spotlight and make an honest man of myself.”

“What made you change your mind against early retirement?”

It was teasing, but also inquisitive. He wanted to open up to her. He felt like she’d actually understand.

“Jury’s still out, unfortunately,” he replied, watching her eyes crinkle as she laughed. “Honestly? I wanted one last film. To see if people cared more about the scandal or the talent. I still can’t figure out how I got the part. I think you had something to do with it.”

“You’re right, I did,” she said. “Couldn’t let you retire without getting the chance to work alongside you at least once. Call me selfish or whatever. I thought you deserved a second chance.”

“What did you do?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“Not really. I’ve given directors an ultimatum a time or two before. It’s probably better if I don’t know, right?” He gave a small chuckle. “Thanks for the invite. I don’t think I should stay, though.”

“You have every right to be here as much as the next guy,” she assured him, reaching for his hand. His fingers were rough, covered in calluses. He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. “I can’t force you to stay, but I’d really like it if you did. I’m not the only person here in your corner, Bucky. There’s nibbles and drinks – non-alcoholic, of course, so don’t worry your pretty little head about it. The alcohol will come out at seven, which gives you plenty of time to ogle you while you play volleyball.”

Bucky laughed. Actually threw his head back, bursting out in laughter. At the risk of being cliché, it was like music to Y/N’s ears. She grinned as she took him in. Head thrown back, eyes screwed shut and hand on his stomach. The other hand squeezed hers, still holding onto it like a lifeline. It kept him grounded in that moment. She liked the contact.

He shook his head as he calmed down, a wide smile painted on his face. “You’ve really thought of everything, haven’t you?” He asked rhetorically.

“I haven’t figured out how to ask you to take your shirt off without sounding thirsty, which is a huge oversight on my part, But otherwise yes. Anyway, I kind of have an obligation to socialise since it is my party and all, so just think about it before you bail, okay?”

+++

“It’s apple juice and sprite,” Y/N said. She extended the flute towards Bucky. Less than ten minutes ago she’d tasted that the punch had been spiked, and she didn’t want him to risk drinking it. “I wouldn’t trust the punch at the moment.”

She sat down beside him on the edge of the pool, dipping her toes into the water. He accepted the glass and took a hesitant sniff.

“Thank you,” he told her, taking a tentative sip to make sure it was what she said it was. “Why the champagne glass?”

“I couldn’t find a normal one,” she replied simply. “So. You stuck around, huh?”

“I thought that I’d give everyone else the benefit of the doubt,” he replied. “Turns out it was just one person who had an issue with my casting. One out of, what? A hundred? It isn’t so bad.”

“I’m glad you stayed.” Her smile was genuine and she placed her hand on his arm. “I just spoke to Reed. He wants to know if either of us know someone who’d be a good replacement for Colonel Daniels.”

Bucky hummed. “Do you know Sam Wilson?”

“You guys did that buddy-cop series a few years back, right?”

“Yeah. Good guy to work with. I can see if he’s available to come down this week?”

Y/N nodded and sipped her drink. “Tell him he’s missing one hell of a party.”

Bucky leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be back, doll. Don’t go anywhere.”

He stood up and walked off, and she placed her glass on the side of the pool. Watching the game of volleyball being played just a few feet away. She reached for one of the pool floats and left her cover up beside her glass before hopping on the float. Lying back and slowly floating around the pool.

She started to fall asleep. Enjoying the warmth of the sun on her skin and the gentle rocking of the float on the water.

Her peace was shattered when someone jumped into the pool and splashed her. She shot up in place, looking around to try and find the culprit, only to be launched into the air by Bucky as he surfaced underneath the float. Y/N pushed her hair off her face as she stood up, throwing the float out of her path before splashing him back. Blinding him before jump attacking him.

She pushed him under the water a couple of times before he gripped her waist and pulled her flush against his chest. Y/N grinned and wiped his hair from his face. He smiled back at her, enjoying her hands on him. Lightly trailing down from his face to rest on his chest.

“What did Wilson say?” Y/N asked, comfortable in his arms for the time being.

“He’s in, if only to see me make a fool of myself in a romance film,” he replied, making her laugh.

“If it’s any consolation, I’m nervous about it,” she confessed. “They way it’s been hyped up isn’t something I’ve ever experienced before. So if anything, there’s comfort knowing we’ll make fools of ourselves together.”

“I think we’ll be okay,” he said. “If it’s a romance movie they want, it’s a romance movie they’ll get.”

“Can I ask you something?” He hummed. “Why do you call me ‘doll’?”

Bucky cocked his head to the side as he looked at her. He gave a small shrug. “Apparently it was a popular term of endearment in the 40’s. I’m trying to adopt it as something Andrew calls Jane. Why do you ask? Don’t you like it?”

“No, I do,” she assured him. “I was simply curious. Guess now I have to come up with a term of endearment for Jane to call Andrew, huh?”

“You called me ‘honey’ earlier,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, that was you and not Andrew. I’ll come up with something just as sweet. Now put me down, honey, I need to dry off and see how dinner is coming along.”

The dynamic between her and Bucky was easy. Effortless. Like they’d known each other for years. Y/N hadn’t met anyone like that before, and in their line of work, it was rare to have that kind of connection immediately. It would be good for filming. The chemistry was undeniable.

Everyone else around them could sense it. They made a point not to stare too long, or interrupt the moment.

He grinned as he let her go, watching her swim to the edge of the pool and climb out. Grabbing a towel from nearby to dry off. He swam to the edge and folded his arms together to keep him in place.

“You know,” he pointed out. “We’re eventually going to have to get that first kiss out of the way, so it’s not stiff and awkward, and caught on camera.”

“Yeah, we are, but I need to put more clothes on before that happens. I’ve already thrown myself at you once today,” she replied, shooting him a wink over her shoulder before she walked inside.


	4. Chapter 4

In the 21st Century the internet ruled over everyone. It dictated what the hottest fashion trends are. Whether a celebrity was in the world’s good graces, or if they were ‘cancelled’. 

Cancel culture was toxic. It taught young, impressionable teens that there was no chance to learn from your actions. We’re only human, and humans are bound to fuck up because no one is perfect. If everyone was perfect the world would be boring. Everyone would be almost robotic, and fake. There would be no individuality because of a set of rules society put in place in order to keep everyone in line.

The internet has the ability to make or break a person. For celebrities, who are typically in the spotlight, they learn pretty quickly they have to grow a thick skin to protect them from the critics and trolls who are less than kind.

Trolls, or ‘keyboard warriors’, thrived behind the anonymity of the internet. Calling famous people out on the controversial things they’ve said or done in the past, but never letting them grow from their mistakes. We’re only human, but cancel culture takes away the humanity of the world. There’s no acceptable way to apologise, and no acceptable way to move forward if you’re not white. Because people can look over any bad behaviour, even rape, and give them promotions to further their career.

*Cough* Trump *Cough*

As a society whose online presence can make or break a person, we have to do better. Be better than the last generation. Let people be people again and make mistakes. We don’t have to forgive every wrong, but we have to give them a chance to make it right. To learn from the past transgressions to ensure no one makes the same mistakes in the future. That’s how we grow. That’s how we learn to be better than our predecessors.

But we still have a long way to go before we’re at that stage.

+++

Y/N let herself get poked and prodded and squeezed into clothes that were too small for her. Her initial fitting had been months ago, before she’d started building muscle for her potential casting in action films. All of the costumes she was supposed to fit were now too tight in the arms. She looked like she was one wrong flex away from hulking out of it, and the costumer designer was pissed.

She tuned out. During her audition she’d mentioned that she had gone for roles in a couple of action films, so her training schedule was about to bulk her up, but it seemed that they didn’t care enough to listen. They wanted Y/N so badly for the role of Jane that her other commitments meant diddly squat. Even if those other commitments meant she was more lean or muscular than she had been months before, and could no longer fit the clothes she had been fitted for.

Siobhan locked eyes with Y/N in the mirror while Erin and Erica from wardrobe lost their shit. Ranting and raving about how this was going to set them back, because they had to make alterations or find replacements. Y/n almost made the comment that they should go and do it then, rather than wasting time complaining about it because that wouldn’t get them anywhere. Siobhan rolled her eyes and shook her head, silently warning her against it. They just needed to get it out of their system and Y/N was the unfortunate one who bore the brunt of their rage.

So she grabbed her phone and opened up Twitter, hoping to distract herself from their mindless chatter. Except it was like a slap in the face reading a headline from an article about Bucky.

**_Bucky Barnes Relapses: Caught Drinking & Partying_ **

She clicked on the article. It had to be lies, and surely enough there was a photo of him accepting the glass of ‘champagne’ from her by the poolside. No one knew it was just apple juice and sprite, but it was coming back to bite her in the ass. And they were going after Bucky, holding no punches.

It read as follows:

_ Everyone knows the legend of Bucky Barnes. From Hollywood Heartthrob, stealing the hearts of millions of people all around the world with his dazzling smile and striking gaze, everyone knows his name. They either want to be him, or be with him. But after a failed stint in rehab for a drug problem that put him behind bars for the past three years, no one was expecting him to make a comeback. Sure, there was chatter he might attempt to make a comeback, but no one thought it would happen this soon. _

_ All Is Fair In Love And War is due to start filming tomorrow, directed by Albert Green and Reed Manning, they found their leading lady back in May. Casting Y/N L/N as Nurse Jane in their highly anticipated WWII romance. _

_ It’s her party Barnes is seen consuming alcohol at. The pair pictured together by an inside source who captured L/N handing the glass of champagne to the recovering addict. The pair seemed more than chummy, as Barnes leant in to give her a kiss on the cheek, and she was seen caressing his face. _

They provided pictures as evidence. Y/N was pissed. Someone at the party had taken those photos and sold them to the site that published the article. The party was supposed to be an intimate gathering, where everyone could relax. People had posted on their own social media accounts of the decorations or themselves, but Y/N had asked they be mindful of other people’s privacy. She didn’t want to be in the background of any photos posted without her consent.

And she deliberately stayed close to Bucky the whole night. He’d mentioned he was happy to be in the group photo she wanted to take, but other than that he wanted to keep a low social media presence. So she’d let everyone know it was her who didn’t want to be in photos, and he’d thanked her privately.

_ Our inside source confirmed that Barnes consumed several drinks throughout the evening. Is it really wise for him to give into temptation so soon after his release from prison? Is it really wise to integrate back into the lifestyle he’d grown so comfortable in? The same lifestyle that had exposed him to a life of addiction and violence. _

_ Barnes was released from federal custody on May 18th, after serving a sentence of three years in a minimum security county jail. He was charged with possession of illicit substances, aggravated assault while under the influence of illicit substances, and driving while intoxicated. Former guards of Barnes said he was a model prisoner, as good as one can be after being convicted of the crimes he has. No ‘good person’ goes on a five day bender and almost beats a man to death. _

__ “Have you fucking read this?” Y/N asked, interrupting the women who were still bitching about her costumes. “This article about Barnes. This reporter is so cruel and demeaning.”

“Why are you shocked? It’s not like they’re lying about anything,” Erin dismissed.

Y/N pushed herself out of her chair. She didn’t have to listen to the women bitching any longer. The negativity about her muscle gain and fitness regime was enough to drive anyone to temporary insanity. But she tolerated it. What she couldn’t handle was someone refusing to give someone trash talking a person they only knew from social media. Because what you see online is vastly different to what you get in real life, and the way Bucky’s name has been dragged through the mud was infuriating. He deserved a second chance. Why was everyone else so hellbent on refusing to give it to him?

She crossed the lot to the warehouse. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but her walk held determination. People moved out of her way and did a double take. Her hair and makeup was pristine, but it was the scowl on her face that no one was used to seeing.

She was mad.

No one had ever said anything bad about Y/N before. Word of mouth passed between directors or cast said she was nice. Respectful. Courteous. She’d never given anyone a reason to assume otherwise. But then again, no one had fucked up bad enough for her to unleash her temper on the people she worked with. And they were in for a rude awakening.

“Before you sta–”

“Don’t,” she interrupted. “Have you read it?”

Reed looked sheepish. Albert was nowhere to be seen. “I heard about it from June,” he told her.

“Who do you think sent the photos in?” Y/N asked. “We were lucky for Bucky to even audition. Do you think he’s going to want to come to work knowing someone is set on letting his past transgressions follow him for the rest of his life?”

“I don’t know who sent the photos in,” he said. “I promise you I’m trying to find out.”

“Try harder,” she snapped. “Is Bucky here yet?”

“No. His manager called me to say he’s gone AWOL. She can’t find him,” Reed replied.

“Can you fucking blame him? Why would he want to come to work when someone here was at the party yesterday and sold him out for a fucking story.”

“Go home, Y/N,” Reed told her. “We’ll find him. Pick things up tomorrow.”

“By ‘him’ do you mean Bucky or the person responsible for jeopardizing his shot at a second chance?” Y/N asked. She took Reed’s silence as everything she needed. “You know who sent the fucking pictures in, don’t you?”

“Albert dropped out of the movie early this morning. Before the article was released,” he revealed. “We can’t lose anyone else, Y/N. If Barnes walks then you will, you made that clear. You fed him the booze. Now you have to make it right.”

She was going to make it right anyway, but hearing Reed accuse her of deliberately giving a recovering addict a substance that could cause him to relapse pushed all the wrong buttons. Instead of unleashing her rage on Reed, she kept it inside. Smiling at the director and offering her hand.

“I don’t  _ have _ to do anything,” she told him after he shook her hand. “I owe Bucky an apology. I don’t have to force him to work with people who can’t understand that his past doesn’t define who he is now. It’s up to you to figure out who can remain professional, and fire those who want to see him fail. He deserves a second chance. If you won’t give it to him I’m sure he’ll find someone who will.”

Y/N didn’t engage in Twitter disputes, but while she was leaving the lot to find her car, she wrote a post in her notes.

_ Albert Green quit the directing team for All Is Fair before that scathing article was released this morning. Deliberately sabotaging any chance that someone may have at rebuilding their life after addiction has ruled it for years is cruel and vindictive. The steps I took to ensure there was no alcohol on the premises were extensive. Maybe you should ask your source where all of my regular glasses disappeared to, or who spiked the punch. The only story here is that Albert Green is a wicked little man and he owes Bucky Barnes an apology. _

She took a screenshot of the note and posted it to her account. Unlocking her car and peeling out of the parking lot without looking back. She didn’t know Atlanta well, so she simply followed the road until she found somewhere to stop. Pulling up Bucky’s contact on her phone and letting her thumb hover over the green button. Trying to decide whether she call or text him.

The call went straight to voicemail, so she ended it and typed out a small message. A simple ‘I’m sorry’ being sent with a whoosh before she sighed and rested her head back.

**_I read your post on Twitter. Can we meet? x_ **

_ When and where? x _

__ **_Mine? Bring pity pastries x_ **

He sent through the address and Y/N pulled up maps. She sighed as Mary’s name popped up on the screen, answering the call.

“Hi, Mary.”

“What the fuck is going on?” She demanded to know. “Loren has been trying to do damage control since this article came out, and now you’ve weighed in with a personal comment?”

“I couldn’t just let this one slide,” Y/N replied. “After Aaron you’d think people knew my stance on rehabilitation and second chances. He needs someone publicly in his corner, Mary, or he’ll relapse. I’ve seen it happen before. He needs a support system and I can’t fucking see anyone around who is willing to give him a second chance.”

“Why do you care so much about whether he gets a second chance or not?” She asked, voice a lot softer and calmer than it was moments before. “Is this just because you told me you’d let him bang you like a screen door in a hurricane if the situation ever came around?”

“That still stands,” Y/N informed her. “But no. You know what happened with Aaron. How he relapsed after a particularly nasty article. How his former friends didn’t back him up. How the world blamed me, his ex-girlfriend, for not sticking up for him or showing him support. The public opinion, when you’re in the spotlight like we are, is never kind or forgiving if you make a mistake. How are we expected to grow when celebrities make a human error and comment on something we’re not properly informed on, and the world decides the only course of action is to ‘cancel’ them? I’m not condoning his past behaviour, but I’m giving him a chance to learn. To grow. To heal. And that’s more than anyone else will ever give him. So that’s why I care so much about him getting a second chance. Because if I ever fuck up, and I’m human which means that’s bound to happen, I wish someone would give me the benefit of the doubt and let me attempt to heal and grow.”

“We’ll do what we can as far as damage control goes.” Mary cleared her throat. “Is what you said about Albert Green true? Is he the one who sold those photos?”

“Reed seems to think so,” Y/N replied. “It’s too much of a coincidence if it’s not him. But I barely saw him yesterday at the party. Those photos look like they were taken from some distance, but just heavily zoomed in.”

“As your manager I need to know,” she said. “Is there anything, romantic or otherwise, going on between you and Bucky?”

“No, but I’m not opposed to it,” Y/N said truthfully. “Film flings are always fun. Now unless there’s anything else you need me to clarify, I need to go. I have to buy pity pastries for Bucky, whatever the fuck those are.”

Mary laughed softly. “Can’t go wrong with a blueberry danish.”


	5. scene four

Bucky’s apartment was a loft above an old Chinese restaurant. Located near Midtown, he was close enough to be apart of city life, but far enough away that the noise didn’t bother him much. It was small, homey, and Y/N got the vibe that he deliberately chose it. Because it wasn’t flashy or expensive, but more humble and relaxing.

Y/N had taken Mary’s advice to get a blueberry danish. It sounded so appetising, so surely he’d like it. There was also a banana chocolate chip muffin and a couple of other pastries. She couldn’t help herself. She hadn’t indulged herself in a sweet treat for quite some time, so she figured one day deviating from her diet couldn’t hurt.

The door to the loft slid open, rather than pushed. Y/N found that out the hard way. Her face warm with embarrassment as she stepped inside, letting her eyes wander around the place. The kitchen was old school vintage. Mismatched stools sat at the breakfast bar, and restored kitchen appliances bought character to the room. She found Bucky sitting outside, a window open beside him which looked like the only way out onto the small balcony.

“Hey,” she said, carefully climbing through the window.

“Hiya sweetheart,” he replied, offering her a hand. He stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on the table and moved around so she could have his seat. He’d take the other one.

“Didn’t know what kind of pastries you liked so I got a couple,” she told him, placing the paper bags on the small table as she sat down. “I want the banana chocolate chip muffin though, but everything else is free game.”

He laughed softly. “Thank you,” he said, rolling a coin between his fingers. “And thanks for sticking up for me. You didn’t have to, and I appreciate it.”

Y/N shrugged, grabbing the bag she knew had the muffin in it. “Don’t worry about it,” she assured him, taking the muffin out and picking a chocolate chip from the top.

“I am worrying about it,” he replied. “You read the whole article, right? So you know all about what I did. The man I put in the hospital?”

“I’d rather hear the story from you, if you’re willing to tell me,” she told him. “I followed the trial, but the media takes the facts and twists the story. And from what I remember, you didn’t offer an explanation for the charges.”

Bucky sighed as he went through the paper bags. Finding the blueberry danish and claiming it as his own. Y/N gave him a moment. He picked at the flaky pastry before placing his coin on the table in front of her.

“The world had their minds made up about me,” he explained. “If a case goes to trial, nothing is supposed to be shared in the media. Obviously, because of who I was back then, it was all anyone wanted to write about. Even if the jurors are supposed to have unbiased opinions, there’s no saying that they didn’t read what the world was saying about me. That coin in front of you is my one year chip.”

Y/N picked the chip up and turned it over in her fingers.

“I’ve been clean for almost four years now, but by the time I got that chip, the charges had already been filed against me and my name had been slandered in the media. But one of the steps to actually getting clean and staying sober is to take ownership of the mistakes I made. The people I hurt. So I didn’t fight it. I did the time. I reached out and apologised to all the people I hurt with my actions, and I’m fortunate enough that they forgave me. None of them had to, and I wasn’t expecting them to, but they did. It was a huge step for me in my recovery.”

Y/N handed the chip back to Bucky. He tucked it into the pocket of his jeans.

“That man I beat up I thought was a friend, but I found out he was stalking my younger sister. I found pictures of her on his computer, he had been following her for years. There were photos of her with our mom our at lunch, out on her birthday with friends, getting intimate with her boyfriend, and a whole lot more. I was high when I found them and put the pieces together that he was the guy Elizabeth had told police was following her. When he came home I saw red.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone that?” Y/N asked.

“I did. Cops got a search warrant for his home and computers and found a whole lot more, and not just of my sister. They arrested him while he was in hospital. But they couldn’t let their charges against me slide because Liz didn’t want anyone to know. If his case went to court she’d have to testify. She just wanted to get on with her life. So he took a deal and got 15 years, with the possibility of parole after 7. And I accepted the three years for what I did, because that was a small price to pay. I’d rather be the bad guy than Liz have her privacy invaded by everyone more than it was by him.”

“Is there any chance he’ll get out early on good behaviour?”

“There’s no way to know until he’s eligible for parole,” Bucky elaborated. “But Liz has spoken to a few of the other women. Some of them he actually sexually assaulted, and they’re willing to testify in another four years to ensure he can’t get out. If anything, they talk and his sentence will be extended. And if he serves his whole sentence, they’re still willing to come forward and speak out to keep him behind bars.”

“The world owes you an apology, Bucky. For the way they treated you, and the way they’re still treating you,” she replied, placing her hand over his. “There’s going to be more Albert Green’s and Jay’s in the world who are cruel because they think they know the whole story. And they think they’re better than you.”

“They are better than me,” he said. “They’re not violent junkies who take the law into their own hands.”

“How are you still a violent junkie if you have a three year sobriety chip? And are about to hit your fourth year clean? Because in my books that makes you a former junkie. You’re recovering from addiction and are trying to fix things for yourself,” she explained. She gave his hand a squeeze. He held onto it when she attempted to pull it back, and threaded his fingers through the spaces between hers. “That’s admirable.”

Bucky blew out a breath and ran his other hand through his hair. “You shouldn’t be worrying about the negative connotations that come along with being associated with me. That article slandered your name, too. Accused you of supplying alcohol to an addict. I should’ve known something like this would’ve happened. It’d be better for your career if I dropped this film.”

“I don’t want to do this film with anyone else,” she confessed.

“I don’t think I’m the right fit, sweetheart,” he replied. “Even I have never experienced this kind of hype for a film. I think it’s too much for me right now, and with everything that’s happened this morning… You deserve a better Andrew. I wanted to tell you first. Before I call Reed.”

Y/N felt like it was time to tell him about the ultimatum. They were having a heart to heart, and she felt like he was owed the truth. That, and she didn’t feel like it was something that should be kept from him. He had been open and honest with her, and she could show him the same respect. If not to open up another conversation about why he wanted to leave.

“The ultimatum I gave was if you walk then I do too.”

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

“I hate screen tests as much as the next guy. You know how rare it is to have chemistry with someone right off the bat. I knew I wasn’t going to connect with anyone else for the role. Not after the performance you put on,” she revealed. “Tell me you aren’t the least bit excited for this film. Convince me that leaving is really what you want.”

“I can’t do that. For some goddamn reason I can’t lie to you,” he said. “More importantly, I don’t want to lie to you. It’s...I suppose I’d just rather not have all this attention on me right now. I thought that possibly everyone would’ve forgotten about me after all these years. And that maybe I could do this one film without heavy criticism, but obviously I was wrong. I underestimated you.”

“Me? Why me?”

“Three years is a long time to be out of the loop,” he told her. “I deliberately kept it that way when my family came to visit. I didn’t want to hear about the world I was once apart of, so I only asked about their lives, not the gossip of former friends. I’d never heard of you before. I guess I probably should have Googled you at least, before I agreed to screen test with you. Because you were better than I expected, and you’re America’s current sweetheart, right?”

“Someone had to step up and fill your shoes,” she remarked, making him crack a smile and a small laugh.

“Those were some big boots to fill, sweetheart.”

“I know, honey.” He laughed as she rolled her eyes playfully. “Better than you expected, huh?”

“You were right,” he said. “It is rare to have chemistry with someone right off the bat. You were charming and sweet and bought Jane to life in my mind. If I didn’t get the part I would’ve been really heartbroken I lost the chance to work with you. I just don’t know how good the rest of the publicity will be regarding this film. It’s out now that I’m Andrew. I don’t want to tank the success or hype for this film because I’m associated with it.”

“Honestly? I’m intimidated as fuck by the hype of this film,” she confessed. “I’ve never experienced anything like this before, and I don’t think it’s going to live up to the hype the press have put on it. And now that filming has technically started, and with the Albert bullshit this morning, eyes are going to be all over this. I’m nervous.”

“I’d be worried if you weren’t,” he replied.

“Is there anything I can say or do to convince you to stay?” Y/N asked. She picked at her muffin to distract her. His gaze was slightly intimidating. She’d never seen someone whose eyes were so blue. So beautiful. They were like the ocean and if she wasn’t careful she’d get lost at sea.

Not that she’d have an issue with that, so long as he was with her.

“You bought me a blueberry danish,” he said simply. “I’d call that convincing enough.”

“Really?”

He laughed at the skepticism in her voice. “You underestimate how much I love blueberries.” He gave her hand a squeeze, rubbing his thumb over the back of hers. “I’m nervous too, but I also have faith in you and your talent. If you still want me, I’d love to work alongside you.”

“Oh, I still want you,” she assured him. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about that. And yes, I mean that in both the professional and euphemistic way.”

“I’d be concerned if you didn’t,” he teased, letting go of her hand to playfully pinch her side. She laughed and swatted his hand away. “Can I ask you something?”

Y/N’s heart thundered in her ears. “Yeah, of course.”

“I know you were once involved with Aaron Reynolds.”

Her history with Aaron was nasty. He went on a bender and took his hatred of the world out on her. That was after she decided to give him a second chance. His drug addiction was hurting everyone around him, which was why she’d staged the initial intervention. He’d gone to rehab to get his loved ones off his back, but had bailed after a week. Apparently the come down had been too hard to handle, so he’d broken out and scored. He found her in LA another week later, doped up just enough to take the edge off, but not enough that she’d known he was high.

Out of the kindness of her heart, she agreed to put him up on her couch for a few days so they could talk about everything. That had been a mistake, because one night after she’d arrived home from a red carpet event, he’d attacked her in a drug-fuelled rage. The only way she’d managed to escape was because he’d left the door unlocked when he’d gone to score, and assumed she was passed out in pain. Making a break for it and calling Mary who’d taken her to the police and they’d been at the house waiting for him when he arrived home.

That wasn’t the first time he ever hit her, but it was the last.

“He didn’t have anyone publicly on his side after his stint in rehab, and maybe that would’ve helped. Maybe it wouldn’t have. I gave him a second chance but after the way he treated me I cut all ties. I think everyone deserves a second chance until they break my trust,” she told him. “You seem like a good man despite the things you’ve done, for the reasons you did them. Don’t break my trust, Bucky.”

“I won’t,” he promised. “I just needed you to know that I’m not like him. I’m clean, and the only time I’ve ever hit anyone was to protect my sister. And I see a therapist once a week. It was a suggestion to help me to ‘control my anger’, but it’s been good to help me handle the transition back into society. And to actually talk to someone whose sole job isn’t to judge me for what I did, but to help me.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“I’m sorry if I crossed a line by bringing him up. I don’t know exactly what happened,” he assured her. “I only know that he went to rehab and you were in a relationship with him. It’s not easy being in love with a junkie.”

“I don’t think I was ever in love with him,” she clarified. “It was more like infatuation. I never saw myself planning a future with him, or got butterflies thinking about him. He was new, and exciting, and was interested in me. And I got played for a fool. I learnt the hard way that you can’t trust everyone you meet.”

“So I should be honoured, right?” He asked. “You said ‘don’t break your trust’. That’s got to be hard to come by.”

“It is.”

“Then I won’t break it,” he said, holding his hand out with his pinkie extended. “C’mon. You can’t break a pinkie promise.”

A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. A small laugh fell past her lips. She shrugged and wrapped her own pinkie around his.

“How old are we, five?” She asked rhetorically. “Sure. Can’t break a pinkie promise, right?”

“Right.” He smiled back at her. “I’m a bad host. You want something to drink? I’ve got coffee or bottled water.”

“Coffee’s good. Splash of milk. One sugar.”

“You’re such a diva.”


	6. scene five

It had been a couple of weeks since the article was released. In that time, Albert had come out and taken ownership of what he’d done. He’d grown a conscience and publicly apologised to Bucky. He’d hidden the regular glasses at Y/N’s place, and had spiked the punch. He wanted Bucky to relapse.

Apparently that kind of behaviour was considered criminal, because the police had arrested him. Attention had turned away from Bucky in the meantime, which he was grateful for. To celebrate a moments peace, he’d invited Y/N out for dinner. They’d had a good time. They’d talked about past films they’d been in. The best people they’d worked with. Favourite spots to vacation. Family.

They’d talked for hours. Laughed at old stories, and grown closer in that time. At the end of the night Bucky drove her home. He’d teased her about finally getting that kiss, since their characters had yet to share one, but they would have to in the next couple of days. It would take away the awkwardness if they got it out of the way, but Y/N had simply laughed. Making a point to kiss him on the cheek as she said goodnight.

Filming was going great. Ever since the article, Y/N and Bucky had grown closer as friends and as co-workers. For their early morning shoots, they’d wake even earlier to meet up at the gym. Bucky was hugely into his fitness and kept a strict diet and training schedule, which Y/N respected. Truthfully, she couldn’t keep up with him even if she tried, but it was nice going to the gym with a buddy. They pushed each other to complete one more set, even if their bodies felt like jelly and they could collapse at any second. They encouraged each other to run that extra mile on the treadmill, and spotted each other when they lifted weights.

They ran their lines for the next scene they were going to shoot while they warmed down. Getting into character before they showered and made their way to the set for breakfast, and hair and makeup.

Reed confessed to them during one of the particularly tougher scenes to film that he’d never worked with anyone who had chemistry quite like theirs. The scene should have normally taken anywhere from 30-50 takes just to get the right one, but Y/N’s performance was heart wrenching. Bucky’s broken recounting of events, and soft touches to Y/N’s face had brought tears to her eyes. It was emotionally taxing, and they’d only reshot it a few more times. Each time the other would say or do something else that earned applause from the crew once Reed called ‘cut’.

They never let the break between takes drag on. Both were ready to go again after a minute or two. Briefly discussing something they could add to the scene, and then wanting to act it out.

For every on set, it was an honour watching them work. Their performances mirrored and complimented the other’s spectacularly.

And on the last take of the day, before the sun had completely set, they only had one shot left before the natural light was gone. Y/N and Bucky had discussed the scene that came after this one. The kiss. The passion. The wanton desire Andrew would be feeling. The hesitancy and innocence of Jane’s reaction to his touch. They only had one take to get it right and the pressure was on.

Lying on the stretcher, looking worse for wear thanks to hair and makeup, Bucky resembled the broken soldier, Andrew. The dirt and grime on his face was real, as were the tears that had left tracks down his cheeks.

He reached up to push some fallen hair back from Jane’s face. Her usually perfect hair having come loose from it’s ‘do. Still pinned back, but definitely not professional. No woman in their right mind would be caught with a hair out of place, but in the middle of a war zone, when the stress and tensions were high, it was natural for hair to come loose.

“You kept me sane,” he confessed.

Andrew’s voice and mannerisms are very different to Bucky’s. He speaks with a slow, slightly southern drawl. It’s almost slurred, the way some of his words blend together. The way he uses ‘doll’ as a term of endearment sends her into a frenzy. He’s just acting. This is what they do for a living – convince the public who watch their stuff that there’s actual feelings on screen. 

But sometimes the lines are crossed. The chemistry mixes and no one can tell where they end and the character begins. It’s never happened to Y/N before. She’d always been able to keep her own feelings and her character’s separate.

There was something about Bucky that had her mind spinning and heart racing. The butterflies in her stomach were real. The way she reacted to his touch was real.

Or was she just that good at her job?

“Kept thinkin’ ‘bout you, doll,” he told her. He ran the back of his finger down the length of her face.

Bucky rattled off Andrew’s charming speech. About how it was always her he saw when he closed his eyes. When the pain got too much, he knew she’d be there when he came back. Once he was rescued. It was the only salvation he clung onto.

His performance was convincing, but Y/N was ready to out-perform him. Wiping his face clean with a wet cloth. She let his speech hang between them. The air electric, and then, “I’m nothing special, soldier.”

“You’re everythin’ special to me, doll,” he replied softly. They were off script now, but the cameras were still rolling. Reed wanted to see what they’d say or do. They knew the characters. They’d brought them to life.

He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. She closed the gap. Taking him by surprise. The innocence of Nurse Jane was tarnished with Y/N’s behaviour. It was like Bucky could tell the difference, but he slowed it down. She corrected her own mannerisms accordingly, and just and quickly as she’d found the courage to kiss him, she was pulling away.

“I’m sorry.”

She pulled herself together. Drawing her hands together as she shot up to her feet. Taking a moment to compose herself and smooth her hands down her uniform.

“I shouldn’t–that was unprofessional of me. I–I’ll go and get some more supplies so I can get to work on that arm.”

They worked through it. They went back to the script. She went through the motions of cleaning him up. Of cutting the shirt off him so she could sterilise the wound on his shoulder. So she could bandage him up properly, and they could have the kiss they were supposed to. So it could lead to the scene that followed. Clothes forgotten about and sweet nothings shared on the floor of the medical tent.

And it was going perfectly. They exaggerated the script with their longing gazes and lingering touches.

The kiss defied all odds. He whispered, begging her not to pull away, and then he was kissing her. And she was kissing him.

And those pesky butterflies were back wreaking havoc in her stomach. She tried to convince herself it was just acting. That this was her character’s feelings for his, but it was just some kind of elaborately fabricated lie. Something she willed into existence because she was afraid of her own feelings.

The worst part was that she couldn’t tell if he was on the same page or not. The line between professional and personal almost overlapped. She enjoyed kissing him far too much. All of her reactions were genuine, but she put a couple on. She had to make him believe it was all acting.

All was going well. The cameras were still rolling, and they were getting to the scene she knew was going to take more than one run through. He was meant to be injured, so she treated him delicately. Straddling him on the cot, his fingers undoing her blouse. Her modesty falling to the floor with the thin material previously covering her chest.

Heat scorned her cheeks and blossomed down her chest. She was embarrassed but she fought the urge to hide herself. Jane was comfortable with Andrew. Timid, sure, but confident in her skin. She knew what she wanted, even if she pulled away from Andrew after initiating the first kiss. They’d built a history. They’d need to redo the scene if she covered herself up, and she wasn’t sure that she’d be able to find her mojo again.

So she pushed through. Bucky’s performance was something to marvel at. Jane treated him so delicately, but he kissed her fervently. He wasn’t afraid to stake claim to what was his. This was Andrew, she had to remind herself. Not Bucky.

But the way he touched her confused her. Maybe she should have taken Bucky up on his offer to kiss before this scene, so that she knew how to distinguish the two. So the lines didn’t get blurred.

And then it happened. Something she swore she’d never do. She called him Bucky while the cameras were rolling, and they snapped back to reality. Reed called cut and she was allowed to cover herself up. Her hands covering her chest. She couldn’t even look at Bucky, but she was frozen in place.

Bucky rested his hands on her exposed thighs. It was too much for her, and she wanted to bury herself deep in a hole. He asked loudly if they could get a minute. Y/N needed some privacy, and lucky enough, they all obliged.

“I’m mortified,” Y/N said. She wished she could hide her face in her hands, but then her chest would be on full display again.

“It happens,” he replied sympathetically. He slid his hands down to her knees and gave them a squeeze.

“Not to me!” She exploded. “I’m a professional. I know there’s a difference between the actor and the character. This doesn’t happen to me.”

“It’s never happened to you before,” he pieced together, a sly smile spreading across his face. “That’s why you’re so mortified.”

“Shut up, you’re not helping.”

“Should I be honoured?” He asked. His voice was teasing and Y/N wanted nothing more than to disappear off the face of the Earth.

“You should be quiet.”

His laughter was the exact opposite of what she wanted to hear. She groaned and slapped his chest, well aware hers was on display again. She was blatantly aware of his grip tightening as he squeezed her thighs. His eyes deliberately staying on her face. Not because he didn’t want to look, but because he wanted to do more than look.

Y/N was beautiful. She was also half naked and straddling his waist, and if he didn’t do something soon they’d have an even more awkward situation on their hands.

“Let’s get ready to run the scene again.”

He spoke softly because he wasn’t sure of his voice. Wanting nothing more than to reach up and brush her hair back from her face and draw her head back down to his. He wanted nothing more than to show her how he kissed. How he’d kiss her until she was putty in his hands and couldn’t remember her own name, let alone his.

Bucky cursed himself. She wasn’t the only one caught up in this mess of emotions. His own were all over the place. He wanted to offer to kiss her again, but as Bucky so she didn’t confuse the two. He knew that was a risk. That if they actually got their real feelings involved it could get messy, but it could also be nice. To be with someone even for a little while.

Y/N nodded her head and swung her leg over his waist. Feet placed firmly on the ground, she turned around to grab her blouse and sought the coverage it brang. Buttoning it up in the middle before turning around to face him again.

He was too scared to say anything of the sort, so he told her he’d tell the crew they were ready. Giving them a moment alone to cool down before they shot the scene again. Hair and makeup pulled them aside to touch up their faces and clothes. Bucky had the ‘dirt’ and ‘grime’ reapplied since he’d cried most of it off and Y/N had cleaned him up. She had her hair redone and her own makeup touched up. Lips swiped with a pale red, just dark enough to make it obvious she had something on, but nothing too bold or out there.

They redid the whole scene. Jane receiving Andrew and weeping for his injuries. The pain he’d endured while in the hands of the enemy. Andrew being his charming self – maybe that was Bucky shining through – and building up to the kiss again. The followed the script for the most part. If they liked what they did before, going off-script, they’d cut the scene together in editing.

The kiss was smouldering. Y/N reacted the way Jane would – innocently. Gasping in surprise, and placing her hands on his chest to push him away, but then Bucky whispered those lines again. Urging her not to pull away as he brushed her hair from her face. His eyes falling to her lips rather obviously, and then she pulled him closer and they were back to where she messed up before.

Straddling his waist while she undid her blouse, and his hands found her hips. Pulling her forward just a little bit, so she wasn’t directly over his crotch. Her mouth found his again, tentatively kissing him as though he might change his mind. That was all Jane, Bucky reminded himself. Y/N had wanted to kiss him before.

She’d moaned his name. Not Andrew’s, his.

He tried to forget there was a room full of people. Tried to pretend it was just Andrew and Jane alone in the medical tent. Then Jane reached between then, as directed in the script, and Reed called cut before they could take it any further.

“Jane is supposed to be timid. She wouldn’t initiate sex, Y/N,” Reed said.

“Andrew is wounded. You really think he can flip her over and fuck her like he does in your perverted dreams?” Y/N quipped back. Bucky fought back a smile.

“They have to work with what they’ve got,” Bucky agreed. “I personally think Andrew would lose his mind having his girl on top.”

He shot Y/N a wink that fortunately no one else saw.

“H-Have some faith in us, Reed,” she told him, well aware that her hands were still on Bucky’s chest rather than covering her own. “We’ve surprised you a couple times by going off script. Give us a little more trust, would you?”

Bucky was inclined to agree. His gaze falling from her face to her exposed chest, and quickly tearing away to look at the slightly pissed off director. He struggled to hold back a groan as Y/N shifted slightly, but she heard it. She inhaled sharply and crossed her arms in front of her. His eyes closed briefly and his nostrils flared as he inhaled.

Maybe they would need to have a conversation about their feelings.

“One shot. Make me believe it,” Reed said. “Action!”

They were both aware of the situation pressed against Y/N’s ass. Heat tinged Bucky’s face and seared the tips of his ears. Y/N bent down to kiss him again, trailing soft kisses along his jaw.

“It happens, right?” She asked softly. So softly he wasn’t sure he heard it. Soft enough that the microphone didn’t pick up on it. They were both grateful.

Y/N made it look like they were about to get naked. Bucky’s heart raced as she continued to move above him. His hands gripping her hips tightly, so tightly he was going to leave bruises, but Y/N knew why. He was painfully hard beneath her and here she was grinding her hips against his. She was just as affected by it as he was. They were basically dry humping on camera, and they hoped like hell it just looked like they were good actors. Because this was soft porn and they both knew it.

Bucky’s hands found her chest. Y/N arched into his touch and whimpered. This wasn’t acting. Not anymore. They were letting themselves get lost in the feelings. Bucky’s hips jerked up and he stilled, Y/N rocking gently above him.

He was so deliriously close to coming it was embarrassing. So he’d pretended to come instead, and Y/N had thrown her head back as he tweaked her nipples. A groan falling past her lips before she shuddered and fell forward. Seeking his lips one last time before Reed called cut and told everyone to wrap up for the day. He made his way to the two actors.

“Uh oh,” Y/N said.

“Uh oh is correct,” Reed said. He spoke quickly and quietly. “Either fuck or figure out what’s going on, because we’re not filming a porno. We’re shooting something different tomorrow. Follow the script or you’re both out.”

Y/N snickered a laugh as Reed stormed off, lying down on Bucky’s chest and kissing his neck.

“Looks like we have to face the music, huh?” She asked. “Dinner at my place? I would promise to keep my clothes on but we haven’t exactly taken many off, have we?”


	7. scene six

Despite what they’d told Reed, that they’d talk about whatever was going on between them, they refused to message each other. Once they left the set for the day, neither had acknowledged or attempted to talk about what had happened. When Y/N saw Bucky, the tips of his ears were still twinged with pink. He weaved his way through the crowd of cast and crew and disappeared.

With a sigh, Y/N made her own way out. Grabbing her things from her trailer and heading out to wait for her Uber. She’d come to work with Bucky this morning, after a long, gruelling gym session, so unless they wanted to behave like actual adults, she was without a ride. Booking the Uber which picked her up less than five minutes later.

The driver recognised her and that she had previously been on set. She was polite enough that he didn’t pick up on her mood, which she was grateful for. Offering to take a selfie with him as he stopped just down the road from where she was actually staying. She’d walk the rest of the way, but only once he’d driven off. Not needing anyone to know her residence at this point in time.

Her phone was soon inundated with notifications of the post he’d made and everyone tagging her. Y/N liked it and replied with a friendly message.

It wasn’t too late in the evening. Just after nine, since the sun had set while they were filming and she took a little while to get cleaned up by makeup. Her chef had prepared her meals during the day, and left them in the fridge or freezer for her. She was grateful for the help with her diet, for there were nights like these when the last thing she wanted to do when she got home from set was cook herself dinner. Taking out the tupperware of stir fry and popping it in the microwave for a couple of minutes.

Heading upstairs, she stripped down and stepped into the shower under the steady stream of water. Letting it cascade down her body as she attempted to wash Bucky’s touch away. Her hands spreading soap over her skin, touch lingering on her breasts. She had been close to actually coming on set. The coil in her stomach was quick to make itself known. Her hand sliding between her legs and fingers expertly rubbing her clit, seeking the orgasm she’d been deprived of.

She wished it was Bucky tipping her over the edge. Wished it was his fingers, or his mouth, or his cock drawing this reaction from her. Because of her cowardice and refusal to be the first to initiate the conversation, she had to make do with her own fingers. But still, when she came it was his name that fell past her lips.

She’d barely satisfied the need deep in her belly. It was an itch she thought she could scratch, but hadn’t anticipated just how severe the itch was. It settled in her stomach like a constant reminder.

How long had it been since she’d shared her bed with another? How long had it been since someone else had touched her and had her screaming their name? How long had it been?  _ Too long _ . Far too long. She was going crazy.

After finishing her shower, and taking the steps to properly care for her hair and skin, she changed into some old sweats and a football jersey. Heading downstairs to grab her meal which had been heated through and cooled down enough to eat. Curling up in the living room on the sofa to catch up on a trashy reality show she originally had no interest in, but now couldn’t stop watching.

Her mind was elsewhere. How could it not be? Things had been left unsaid with Bucky. She needed advice with how to deal with the situation, so she text Mary. It was a publicity thing, too. Normally she’d call any of her other friends, who’d tell her to get the dick and worry about press later, but she needed proper advice this time. Mary would be able to give it to her.

_ So I think I have a problem _

__ **_For fucks sakes. A problem with what?_ **

_ More like a problem with who. A boy problem _

__ It was late. Y/N knew Mary would be pissed having her sleep delayed, but she continued to text her regardless.

_ We filmed a sex scene today. Well, clothed but whatever. Partially clothed. I had my tits out. Kinda got really into it and ended up saying Bucky’s name instead of Andrew and things got weird. Like. He’s not talking to me and I’m not talking to him and I kind of got myself off in the shower thinking of him. Any advice? _

**_Firsty, ew. Gross. Didn’t need to know that. Secondly, grow up. Talk to him. I’m not a fucking mind reader. Figure it out yourself. I really don’t care._ **

_ Maryyyyy _

**_No. I’m not helping you with this on. Just stop. Seriously this is the one time I don’t care about your sex life_ **

Y/N ran her hands over her face as she placed her half-eaten dinner on the table in front of her. Calling Mary as she settled back into the couch and turned the volume down on the tv.

Mary was in a bind. She was torn between ending the current call she was on, or putting it on hold to talk to Y/N. She decided to go with putting the call on hold and answered Y/N’s call.

“What’s your problem with Bucky? You seemed to care about him when I had my party, with the regard for alcohol and all, but now you’re shutting me down. Do you not want me to get involved?”

Y/N shot off her questions at a million miles an hour. Mary could barely keep up.

“I don’t have an issue with him,” she assured her. “I would just rather not talk about your soft porn shoot on set today, is that okay? Can you hold on a sec, I’m getting another call.” Mary attempted to divert her rage to the caller on the other line.

“You’re the only person I know actually in a healthy relationship so can you please stop telling me to fuck off and just help me for once? Is that too much to ask?” Bucky asked after hearing Mary clear her throat.

“Y/N is my client and my friend. I’m not getting in the middle of this. Please just send her a text. Ask her to talk or something. You’re a grown ass man now, Bucky, you can deal with your own girl problems.”

She put him on hold, and went back to Y/N’s call.   
  


“You there?” Mary asked.

Y/N hummed.

“What happened on set today?” She attempted to give a shit about whatever was truly bothering Y/N.

“There’s a sex scene we tried to start filming. We were doing well until I said ‘Bucky’ instead of ‘Andrew’,” Y/N started. “I got in my head. I don’t know. That’s never happened to me before. We reshot the scene. I’m straddling Bucky on the stretcher and have my top off. I don’t know. I guess he was affected by the scene as well. We just kinda rolled with it. It wasn’t acting, Mar. I literally dry humped Bucky on camera and Reed called it soft porn.”

“Jesus, that’s a lot to take in. Give me a minute.”

Mary thought she’d changed the call to Bucky’s. She let her rage fly.

“You dry humped my client on camera?! James Buchanan Barnes you’re a lucky man I’m not there right now or I’ll kill you. Do you know the kind of shit I’ll have to deal with if this ever gets leaked? I don’t care if you’re my brother. Stop acting like a dumbass and fucking call Y/N!”

“Bucky is your brother?!” Y/N screeched. What was the likelihood of the ground opening up beneath her and swallowing her whole? Asking for a friend.

“Oh, God, I’m going to kill myself.”

Y/N stared at her phone screen for a good minute as the call ended. Mary had decided enough was enough. Y/N let out a frustrated scream and hid her head in her hands. Taking a moment to breathe before she shot a text off to Bucky.

_ Your sister is my fucking manager? You didn’t think that was important to tell me? _

**_So that’s why she hung up on me_ **

_ I’m not even kidding. You don’t even know the shit I said to your sister. My manager. OMG I’m seriously going to murder you _

**_Guess we’ll be having that talk now, hm? Want me to come over or just call?_ **

_ Come over so I can yell at your pretty face in person. I would promise to keep my clothes on but that didn’t seem to stop us earlier _

__ **_Hah don’t remind me. I’ve never been more embarrassed_ **

_ Nothing to be embarrassed about, honey x _

Y/N assumed Bucky was on his way over, since she didn’t get a response back. She hoped he was on his way, anyway. With a sigh, she picked up her dinner and continued to eat. She didn’t have much of an appetite, but she hoped their talk would go the way she anticipated. In which case, she needed some food in her belly.

Almost 20 minutes later the front gate buzzes and Bucky’s voice comes through the intercom. “Let me in, sweetheart.”

She got up to enter the code that opened the gate. Watching it roll open on the small screen before taking her dishes into the kitchen and and placing the fork and container inside the dishwasher. Waiting for the knock on the door that came a few moments later, letting her know Bucky was there. She opened it with a small smile. He’d changed into a different pair of jeans, but had an old college hoodie on. He gave her a smile back.

“Before you come inside I need you to kiss me as Bucky so I know what I’m getting myself into,” she told him.

He laughed softly in response. “Nah,” he said. “I gave you the chance to have a Bucky kiss but you turned me down. A couple times, actually. Your turn to face rejection now.”

Y/N pouts and he thinks it’s the cutest thing ever. Stepping forward to place a kiss to her forehead instead.

“You gonna let me in, sweetness, or are we gonna have this conversation on the doorstep?”

Begrudgingly, Y/N stepped aside and let him come in. Usually, if she wanted something or someone, all she had to do was look innocent and bat her eyelids a couple times. Clearly that wasn’t going to work on Bucky and she was a little impressed. Confused, but impressed. Though she’d never tell him that.

Y/N led him to the lounge, where she’d previously been watching trashy tv. She let it play in the backgroud, but turned it down so they could actually talk. He sat on a separate couch, because he knew if she touched him his resolve would crumble and he’d be putty in her hands. He needed to talk first, and figure out if they were on the same page. He couldn’t just jump into things. Not anymore.

She was nervous about what they had to talk about. Surely they could just have a friends with benefits type of thing going on, but it was the adult thing to talk first. Talk about their feelings, and what they expected to get from this little fling, just so that they were on the same page. Y/N exhaled a deep breath as she watched Bucky wring his hands together.

“I want this. Whatever this is.” Bucky gestured between them and Y/N relaxed a little. Good. At least that was made clear. “I just...need you to know that you’ll be the first person I’ve been with since I went to prison. Since before then, actually. So I don’t know if that’s playing a factor in my emotions, or it’s just this character, or what.”

“It could just be the character,” Y/N agreed. “This happens, right? Actors get swept up in the chemistry all the time and have flings. But it could also be more. What if we just see where it goes while we’re still filming. Reassess after we wrap. Maybe spend some time apart and see if it was just the characters bleeding into our personal lives or if there are real feelings there.”

Bucky nodded. “That sounds good.” He gave her a sweet smile and she returned it easily.

“What now?”

“Well... you could come over here and I could kiss you like Bucky, if you still want me to,” he offered with a wink. Legs spreading just a little, her eyes dran down to the action. His hand lightly patting his thigh.

“While I loved sitting in your lap and driving you crazy, I’ve been there, done that, and I kind of really want to feel you between my legs. So.” She cocked her finger in his direction in a ‘come here’ motion.

“Don’t you worry, baby, I’ll be making myself right at home between your legs later, but first we’re going to make out like a couple of horny teenagers. C’mon.”

His voice was low and seductive and Y/N wanted nothing more than to hear him moan again. And having him beneath her gave her the ability to control what they did. She was moving before she realised what she was doing. Placing a hand on his shoulder as she knelt either side of his lap. His hands found her waist and pulled her even closer, if that was possible.

“After this kiss I get to have my way with you in bed, deal?”

“Obviously it’s a deal. I didn’t stop and buy condoms on my way to get turned on and sent home,” he teased, thumb and forefinger taking her chin between them and tilting her head just enough to expose her neck.

He pressed a kiss to the skin beneath her ear, aware that if he left any visible hickeys that makeup would attend to it in the morning, before they started shooting again. That being said, he made it his mission to tease the shit out of her with only kisses. Marking her neck, her chest, her stomach and her thighs with the annoying little bruises that she thought looked tacky.

He was in control of the kiss. Of what they were doing. It was quite clear now that this was Bucky. That he liked to have his women writhing and begging beneath him, rather than let them take control like Andrew did. Y/N could see the difference now, even though her mind was hazy with wanton desire. As her chest heaved with every breath she took, and his mouth bought her to orgasm better than she’d imagined.

And this time, when she came and moaned his name, she didn’t feel guilty. It was with a breathy exhale and a strong curse, and then his senses were flooded only with her. His mouth and chin slick with her arousal, eyes wild and pupils blown with desire.

“Oh,” she said, her head lolling to the side as she took him in. “You’re so good at that. What the fuck?”

He chuckled as she swiped her thumb across his chin, cleaning him up by sucking the digit into her mouth. His laugh turned into a groan and his hands tightened on her thighs.

She hummed as she withdrew her thumb. “Let’s finish this upstairs, honey.”

Bucky scooped her up in his arms without second thought. She went to say something, but he silenced her with a kiss. Walking towards the staircase and starting their ascent.

“I can walk, you know,” she pointed out. “You’re such a barbarian.”

“Me Bucky,” he replied. “Me like pretty girl. Pretty girl moan my name when she come.”

Y/N barked out a laugh and pressed a kiss beneath his jaw. When she pulled away he tilted his head so he could kiss her properly. She hummed and reached up to run her hands through his hair.

She liked his hair. It was long and luscious and very well kept. She scratched at his scalp, eliciting a small whimper once she stopped. She pulled away, kissing his bottom lip as he pouted.

“My bedroom is just down the hall,” she told him. “Do you understand that or do I need to speak barbarian?”

“If acting fails you always have comedy to fall back on.”


	8. scene seven

Y/N was lonely. She tried to busy herself in her workouts and she readied herself for other roles she’d landed, but it wasn’t the same. She missed her daily sessions with Bucky in the gym and how they’d push each other. Sure, she had her trainer who did the same thing, but it just wasn’t the same. Anna wasn’t Bucky.

Filming had wrapped a month ago and they’d had the conversation again. For what it was worth, Y/N had never felt so loved. Bucky treated the fling like it wasn’t one. Like they were more than friends with benefits and it had been the best four months either of them had. When he stayed over, he cooked breakfast in the morning and it was sweet. They were so domesticated and relaxed around each other that it was a nice change of pace.

It had been an easy change, adapting to this new relationship. They already carpooled to set most days, so it made staying over at each other’s places a lot easier. Y/N had her own drawer at his place, filled with several clothes she’d left or bought over so she had a chance of something to wear the next day. Bucky had the same set up at her place, except she liked to wear his shirts to bed most nights. Enjoying the smell of him encasing her like a warm hug, even when he was there to hug her himself.

Most importantly, they were happy. Happy with each other. With the routine they found themselves in. With how filming was going, and blissfully unaware that the day was coming they’d agreed to say goodbye. It hit them both harder than they’d expected.

It was supposed to be an easy fling. Why did it feel like their hearts were breaking?

But they’d agreed. A break was best for both of them, so they could figure out if filming had fucked with their feelings, or if what they felt was real. And then by the time the Toronto International Film Festival rolled around, they’d get together and talk.

It was hard. That was still a whole other month away and they both felt like they were going crazy. Just wishing TIFF would come around faster so they could be adults and talk, and be together like they so desperately wanted.

Y/N had watched the interview Bucky had on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. He’d looked good. Happy. Healthy. Maybe a little tired, but in their line of work it was a given. She’d shot off a text in support. He’d talked about his time in prison, and how hard it was being back in society, let alone in the spotlight again. This was all stuff Y/N had heard before, but she could tell how much lighter he felt getting his chance to tell it to the world. To publicly apologise and talk about how his actions had ruined his life and those around him. And how he was just trying to keep his head down, and possibly start a family some day.

They’d talked about it – if they wanted kids or not. He was all for it, but Y/N was more reserved. There was a chance she couldn’t have them, but she was too scared to find out. After being diagnosed with Endometriosis at a young age, and having a cyst rupture on one of her ovaries that had to be removed, she wasn’t sure that she even wanted them. The pain from her Endo was enough to put her off childbirth and Bucky had sympathised.

Y/N enjoyed children. She loved how happy they got, and how pure they were. But she didn’t feel as though they were something she ever had the desire of having. She was more than happy being the fun Aunt who spoiled her friends children. That was enough for her.

But she couldn’t help but think about that conversation as he expressed publicly how deep his desire was to have a family. He’d been supportive and understanding of her decision, now she was going to be supportive of his.

_ You’d make an amazing father some day, honey xx _

And he would. She could see him teaching his little girl how to ride a bike, or taking his little boy to ballet class. He’d look so good with his own kids in either hand, a ring on his third finger, and a beautiful wife smiling adoringly at him.

She smiled at the text he sent back.

**_You’re too good to me, sweetheart xx_ **

She typed out ‘I miss you’ but erased the message in the end. There was so much she wanted to say, but it wasn’t the time. And it shouldn’t be said over text. So for now she kept it to herself and cherished the past messages they’d shared. The filth mixed in with the cute, and crawled into bed with his old college tee on that still smelt like him. Cuddling a pillow close to her to try and pretend it was Bucky and that she didn’t miss him as much as she did.

+++

Summer in Los Angeles was hot. Y/N had been home since filming wrapped, needing to reintegrate herself with life on the West Coast. Catching up with friends, pimping herself out to interviews. Keeping herself in the spotlight with beachy pics on Instagram with friends, announcing her role in Isla on Fire, and teasing fans with behind the scenes shots of her on set of All Is Fair.

Y/N had reached out to Mary within the last week. She’d given her manager the summer to spend time with her family, but she was always on standby for when Y/N had a public appearance to keep up with. Utilising Loren, where she could, so she could stay in Brooklyn while still organising Y/N.

But this was something both women knew Loren couldn’t help with. So Mary had flown out for the day, to help Y/N face the man who once abused her and her trust, so that she could get the closure she deserved.

Aaron, her ex, had sent her a letter that arrived within the last week. She’d hesitated opening it, because she wasn’t sure what it was going to say or if she actually wanted to trouble herself with its contents. So she’d called Mary and they opened it together. Y/N had read the letter aloud, and Mary had asked her if she wanted to see him again. She didn’t have to, she knew that, but part of her wanted to tell him of all the shit she suffered through because of his addiction.

If he truly was rehabilitated, he needed to acknowledge and apologise for the way he treated her. That was what she wanted. Some goddamn acknowledgement that his addiction was the reason behind his abuse. That he was still seeking help, because what he did was inexcusable. She wasn’t going to forgive him. She didn’t know if she ever would. But she deserved an apology, and if he was man enough to actually sound sincere and regret the way he treated her, then she’d thank him and congratulate him on his sobriety.

But she couldn’t forgive him.

That was why she bought Mary along with her to meet him. He’d been the one to suggest bringing someone she trusted, and meeting in a public place, but she’d changed the location at the last minute. Something in her gut didn’t tell her it was right, so five minutes before they were supposed to meet, she made Mary text him the new place. Call it a hunch or whatever, but LA actors were notorious for tipping off the paparazzi with their locations and she didn’t want to be pictured with him anytime soon.

That was how they ended up at a much more low-key, hole in the wall establishment about ten minutes from where they were supposed to meet. Thankfully, it seemed like he was alone. Mary stuck close by, but gave them their privacy, and then he started his spiel.

Apparently he’d been in rehab for the full 90 days this time, and now he was working on making amends to the relationships he’d broken. Y/N sat and listened to it all. About how he didn’t deserve her forgiveness. About how he was lucky she’d agreed to meet up with him so he could explain. And then he apologised. Y/N let herself tear up, but refused to let any more tears fall because of him. She was happy he got his life back on track, and then he’d dropped a bomb.

“I’ve been given the role of one of your crew in Isla on Fire.”

Then he explained that he wanted to talk to her first. He needed to apologise and tell her about the role first, because he wanted to give her the chance to choose whether she worked with him or not. She deserved that choice, rather than find out the first day of filming. Especially with the way he treated her in the past.

She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. She thanked him for his apology, and finally got the chance to say everything she wanted to say. About how broken she’d been while with him, and how she felt obliged to come back to try and fix him. About how he’d ruined men for her for years to come, and how hard it was to trust someone in the industry already without her baggage tacked on.

And she watched him sob with her words. The detailed recounting of his abuse. How she was made to feel like it was all her fault. Like she was the problem, not the drugs. And how she could bury him with photographic evidence and hospital records if she ever caught wind of it happening to another woman.

That was enough for her. Seeing his resolve crumble as he flinched at her words. The mess he was because of his actions was enough. She warned him that she’d be professional. That there’d be no friendly conversations about anything, other than work, and unless they were shooting a scene together, he had to stay away from her.

She knew Mary was listening. Preparing a list of potential bodyguards to travel with her from now on, until Isla on Fire was in post-production. She was grateful to have the woman there with her.

“I’ve moved on,” she announced, which she knew Mary would bring up once they left. “Thank you again for apologising. I don’t think I could ever forgive you for what you did to me, but I’m willing to work with you on Isla on Fire. Then I never want to see you again. Thank you for the coffee. Good luck with the rest of your amends.”

She wasn’t oblivious to the group of teenage girls snapping a quick photo of her, or approaching her as soon as she was away from the table. Mary was about to step in, but Y/N stopped her. She put on her best smile and let each of the girls take a selfie with her. Knowing that all the photos would end up online sooner or later, but hoping that they’d only post the ones they personally took with her.

Once they left, Mary had an Uber ready and the women set off back to Y/N’s apartment.

“Does he know you’ve moved on?” Mary asked tentatively. “Or were you meaning you’d moved on  _ with him _ ?”

“You can say his name,” Y/N pointed out. “I set the stupid rules. It’s just hard going from what we had to absolutely nothing as quickly and easily as we did. TIFF can’t come soon enough. I miss him.”

Mary smiled. She didn’t feel the need to say anything else, other than that once Y/N got home she was going to head back to New York. She knew Bucky missed Y/N, too, and thanks to her they were talking more frequently again. She wished she knew the real reason why they decided to take a break, but neither wanted to talk to her about it. It was like admitting they’d fucked up and given themselves an obstacle to overcome, yet didn’t want to try.

And thankfully, those girls who’d taken pictures with Y/N and of her with Aaron were starting to circulate online. Bucky was bound to see them soon enough, and hopefully that was the push they both needed to open the lines of communication again. She hated seeing them both so in love, but stuck in the idea that they had to wait until TIFF to say something.

The photos with Aaron would bother him enough that he’d ask her about them. Mary didn’t want to be in LA when he made some grand romantic gesture, because she knew her brother. He would. So she hugged Y/N goodbye and told her she’d be in touch with interviews for a bodyguard.

Y/N sighed as she settled into the sofa. She’d showered and ordered takeout to be delivered, which was meant to arrive soon. Having neglected checking her phone since her coffee with Aaron, she checked her notifications. The only one standing out amongst thousands was a text from Bucky.

**_Baby, I’m losing my mind. You don’t owe me any explanation, but Aaron Reynolds? Really??_ **

_ Apparently one of the 12 steps to recovery is reaching out and apologising to the people you hurt _

_ That’s all it was, my love. He apologised to me. After everything...you know I couldn’t do that to myself again _

_ xxx _

Y/N got up to answer the door. With a sigh, she grabbed some money from her wallet to pay the delivery driver, only to find Bucky standing there with some flowers.

“I know we said TIFF but I saw those pictures with Aaron fucking Reynolds and next thing I knew I was in the neighbourhood. I miss you, sweetheart,” he professed.

Y/N threw her arms around him and buried her face in the crook of his neck. Inhaling the scent that was oh-so-Bucky for the first time in what felt like forever.

“I missed you too, honey,” she told him, his free arm snaking around her waist and drawing her closer. “I thought it would be good for us. A break. I was a fucking idiot, Bucky. I broke my own heart enforcing that rule.”

“I’m here now, baby,” he replied, kissing the top of her head. “C’mon. Give me some proper lovin’, hm. Didn’t travel all this way to not get a proper kiss.”

Y/N complied with a laugh. She was ecstatic to have him back in her arms. Softly nuzzling her nose against his before sealing his mouth with hers in a kiss that said more than they ever could. She melted into him like he’d never left, moaning in appreciation as he slid his hand down to squeeze her ass.

She laughed against his mouth and he smiled.

“If it’s okay with you I’m gonna need a place to crash for a few days.”

“Sounds perfect,” she replied. She wanted him to stay forever. “I need to update my shirts. The ones I still have of yours have lost the Bucky smell.”

“I bought that Henley you love so much.” He knew she was teasing, but he wasn’t. He gave her ass a firm pat and stole another kiss.

Y/N hummed. “It only looked good on you when you had long hair.”

“You’re still bitter about that?”

“Now I have nothing to hold onto when you’re going down on me. What do you suppose I grab, your ears? I’ll tear them clean off.”

Her response made him laugh and he bought his mouth down to his ear. “Why don’t we figure out the answer to that question right now, hm? Show me to the bedroom.”

+++

Bucky’s awake before Y/N the next morning, and it’s like he never left. Freshly brewed coffee is poured into two mugs and he’s in the midst of finishing breakfast. Plating the meals just as he feels her creep up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade.

“Hi,” she softly said.

He replies just as softly. “Morning, sweetheart.”

“Missed this. Missed you so much, baby. Don’t agree with me when I say we need a break again, unless it’s a break together, okay?”

He chuckled. “You have my word,” he assured her. “What are your plans today?”

“Go back to bed for another hour. Maybe do a boxing class this evening,” she replied. “You gonna come back to bed with me or were you literally in the neighbourhood.”

He turned around in her arms and cupped her face with his hands, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose. “I got a shoot today downtown. Could be interesting if you tagged along. Maybe I’ll join you at that boxing class afterwards.”

“Are you going to be shirtless in this photoshoot?”

“Can’t imagine so.”

“Cancel. We’ll stay in bed all day,” she said, stretching up to kiss him. He let his hands fall to her waist, humming against her lips.

“Tomorrow,” he promised. “I’m here for as long as you want me here. I’ll get this shoot out of the way and then I’ll happily be your toy boy and let you have your way with me.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “Photoshoots are fun. I could be interested in tagging along and distracting you, if not only to see you in your element. You look good in front of a camera.”

“No, I will not make a sex take with you.”

“Can’t beat the All Is Fair soft porn, can we?”


	9. end scene

Within the last month, since Bucky tracked her down and they rekindled their fling – which is now a fully-fledged relationship, BTW – he’d stayed with her in LA. He had no prior commitments back in New York, so he simply stayed.

He’d made himself at home, and Y/N welcomed him warmly. They prepared dinner together, went to the gym together, and snuck out for brunch occasionally. It was while out at brunch that Y/N had told him she loved him, and he hadn’t been able to stop grinning the whole day, because she loved him back. He’d playfully rolled his eyes after the statement, not realising that was the first time she’d said it, and had replied in the same light-hearted tone that he loved her too.

They’d both known it for a while. Neither had been in the right place to say it until that moment, when the cameras were going off and Y/N leant over the table to peck his cheek. It slipped out, and she was grateful it did.

“If you’re not careful the world might know you’re in love with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong about being in love with you, Bucky Barnes. You make my world so much brighter.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

It was them to a tee. Light-hearted teasing, yet full of adoration for the other. Neither would change the way it had been said. Now they couldn’t stop saying it.

They’d travelled together to Toronto for the International Film Festival. All Is Fair was due to show tonight, and both were excited as hell for the reaction. And now, on the red carpet with microphones and cameras thrust in front of their faces, all Y/N can think is about how well Bucky scrubs up. His hair had grown out slightly, which she was grateful for, and his bear had been neatly groomed by his stylist. This was the first time they were seeing each other since the early hours of the morning, since they had to get ready for the evening, and both wanted nothing more than to share a kiss.

So they did, and the crowd went wild.

It was rejuvenating. It gave them the ability to continue being yelled at and asked invasive questions. Y/N replied with a quip that Bucky was her date, since the reporter had made a shallow dig that the pair had arrived separately. Bucky made a point to keep the interviewer in check after that. Talking over Y/N when she was asked what she was wearing tonight.

“How come I don’t get the sexist questions?” He asked, putting the reporter on blast. Y/N didn’t try to hide her smile.

“Yeah, baby, you’re looking so conservative in that suit tonight!” Y/N said. “Show us some skin, tiger.” With the reporter well and truly embarrassed, and quickly making her way towards another set of celebrities, Y/N pressed a kiss to Bucky’s cheek. “I appreciate you.”

“Just say you love me,” he replied with a grin. “Feed my ego.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”


End file.
